mulder: cant we just put a curse on the cigarette smoking man?
scully: wicca is a path of peace and light, mulder. the threefold law says anything you do to harm others returns back to you times three
mulder: lets cast a circle of protection
enter james bond
james bond: freeze asshole, and step away from the athame
mulder hurls a crystal point at agent 007 like mighty indra’s thunder. it strikes him in the martini, sending olives and shards of broken glass flying in an icy vodka explosion
james bond: you dont know what you’ve done! if people find out that wicca is real then the world will become a worker’s paradise where material resources are distributed equitably on the basis of “from each according to their ability, to each according to their need”
exeunt james bond
scully: can it be?
james bond: i dont understand. why cant we just let agents mulder and scully tell the people the truth?
cigarette smoking man: *strikes a lucifer and holds it up to the cigarette dangling from his lips, puffing* if people find out that god is real, wicca is true, and smoking weed is good they won’t want to do economy-related stuff anymore. capitalism will be over and the world will be a marxist-leninist utopia
james bond: fuck
Q:What did Denny's do?
the CEO of dennys followed me into a public toilet and shot me with a bow and arrow when I was at my most vulnerable